Being Human
November 28th, 2008 |We took two flights this morning with the kids. Our little girl is 18 months old, our son is 3 years. As we deboarded both flights we had numerous people remark how well behaved our kids were on the airplane. A few even mentioned that they did not know that kids were even on the flight.
It was not to last however.
By the time we got down to baggage claim both kids had been awake for 7 consecutive hours without a nap. They were hungry and tired and were not at all interested in hanging around waiting for bags to show up. Unfortunately we had no other options.
My daughter was inconsolable and my son was running around the baggage claim area in a manic state, getting in everyone’s way and endangering himself. I finally said enough, picked him up and put him in the stroller next to his sister for his own good. My wife wheeled the stroller over to one of the exit doors to keep him away form the crowds, for the crowds own good.
My son then proceeded to go absolutely bad shit insane crazy. Screaming in frustration, wailing in sadness, shrieking in fury, typical toddler behavior when they are in this state, but annoying none the less. Until the bags showed up however, we were stuck with him.
I was waiting by the bag carousel while my wife was with the kids. Despite her attempts to calm Toddler Smithers he continued with his tantrum. Apparently it was too much for one woman standing nearby who finally exclaimed: “THAT’S ENOUGH, FUCK!” and stormed out of the terminal to the sidewalk outside. While she did not solicit her comments directly to my son or my wife, it was clear what her issue was.
After a few minutes outside in the cold she returned to the inside of the terminal and, as she walked past my wife, made a comment to the effect of “You need to control that kid.” She made the same comment to my wife one more time before we were finally ready to leave the terminal.
Control that kid? Anyone who has had children knows that “controlling” the temper tantrum of a 3 year old sounds great in theory but you have a better chance of holding back the tide. The only thing you can do is try and figure out how to distract the child out of the tantrum and, failing that, isolating the child away from other people as best you can.
Anyone who has not had children probably feels that there is something else that a parent can do to stop the child from behaving in that way.
I can assure you that, as parents, there is nothing that would have pleased us more than to get Toddler Smithers to stop his screaming. But in the scenario we were in it was simply not possible. I guarantee that as annoying as his screaming was, it was worse for us than it was for the rest of the crowd hanging around waiting for their bags. There is nothing more painful for a parent, nothing that elicits a stronger response to solve the problem, nothing that causes the same spike in stress and anxiety than your own child crying. It’s a built in panic button that only your child knows how to press. And they do press it hard.
I’ve written about this before, and I know that it is hard for non-parents to understand. But when you are out in public and encounter children who are in the same condition that my children were in this afternoon please understand what is going on and take a small amount of pity on the parents. If you can’t muster the strength to be compassionate then just walk out of earshot.
Resisting the urge to make comments to the parents will help prevent an already stressful situation from getting worse.
You have my thanks and gratitude.
8 Responses to “Being Human”
awww, i was waiting for the line, “and then i got into a knife fight.” next time.
TS is three years old, what’s HER problem?
Smithers,
I have a 16 month old and a 4 going on 5 year old. I too have to deal with tantrums and they are most fun when dealing with them in public. I am continually amazed, even by close relatives, by people that don’t have children when it comes to this. I made the point last night with my brother in law, that they are human beings and cannot switch off emotions and feelings like robots. When they are tired or stressed they lose what little control they have just like you or I. When put in new situations or stressful ones, they exert power over their environment the only way they know how, by going batshit!
Good times……
“You need to control that kid.”
I have a feeling that the person making this comment probably was ‘controlled’ in her youth, and her patience has been severely affected. BTW, our children were perfect and would never ever act like that in public.
you have my sypathies… and yup there’s only so much you can do when the child is in that state.
People, like the lady you mention, just don’t get it. Children that age don’t have the mechanisms an adult has to reason and understand the situation. Then again now that mine are 5 & 7 I’m amazed by how much they develop in a few short years.
With 4 kids, I have gone through the same kind of thing. In the beginning, I would apologize. Flash forward 12 years, and now my response is “Oh FUCK OFF!”. Out of respect to the old ladies to the local Cub, I usually don’t tell THEM that-but will say “EXCUSE me? Is there a problem?” I just can’t take that shit anymore. You CAN’T reason with a toddler! People who can’t deal-in a normal public setting-(not talking about the movie theater!)-they can get the hell away!
It’s no fun dealing with people like that…I hear ya’!
My issue is with people who, unlike you in this case, don’t take the children away from the situation, or worse, do nothing. When I was a kid, if I acted up, I was taken out of the store (or whereever). I don’t think this is a bad thing, and I learned quickly that it was pointless to throw a tantrum. I think you handled the situation well. I do feel sorry for parents that can’t remove children from the public, e.g. in an airplane and such.
This made me smile. I am not alone. I have twin toddlers! Double the odds of having a tantrum. My daughter’s nickname is “The Volcano”. Sweet, beautiful, tranquil - then BOOM!!!