Thanksgiving
November 27th, 2008 |Those who have read my blog for a while know that I am a fairly negative person.
I work out a lot of my negativity online (I apologize that you end up having to read it) which helps me mitigate the amount of negativity that I share with my wife, friends and family. Mitigate, but not eliminate. My wife tells me that she enjoys my cynicism, but I know that she despises my “down days” where I hardly speak a word to anyone for days at a time.
I pretty much assume the worst about most people and situations and in a crisis I instantly believe that the worst case scenario will always come to pass. It sucks having this kind of outlook on life but there it is. I could work on it I suppose but then I would be acting like one of those phony “happy” type people that I assume do unspeakable things in the privacy of their home. I would rather people just think that I am a jerk instead of a happy creep.
A healthy does of cynicism can be a help on occasion. It keeps me from getting my hopes up too high which also prevents the inevitable let down later. I guess that’s the silver lining on a dark cloud.
I work hard to spare my children my negative attitude. I am sure that they will pick up on it eventually but I am not bothered that they will be dramatically affected by it.
What does bother me is that I tend to take my negative attitude to bed each night. More often then not I spend the first hour on my pillow laying awake thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to my family. It’s interesting that I am not bothered in the slightest by the thought that something could happen to me, but the possibilities of danger to my wife and children that run through my mind most nights are far too gastly to describe. Most nights I am able to finally put these thoughts out of my mind and fall asleep relaxed and at peace. But sometimes these awful thoughts follow me into sleep and my wife is forced to wake me from a sobbing nightmare that I can’t bring myself to detail to her.
What I am thankful for this Thanksgiving?
I am thankful that life is in no way as bad as I tend to think it is and that none of the things that I think about before falling asleep at night have ever come true.
Positivity? I envy you Skibby.
Happy Thanksgiving to all you and yours.
14 Responses to “Thanksgiving”
I call it caring, and last I knew, that was a good thing.
Ha-negativity? How can you NOT be in uncertain times like this? C’mon we all have our “issues” and bad days. If you dwell too much on it though, then you’ll miss all the positive stuff!! And if you DO feel “negative”-doesn’t do any good to deny it. Just “keep it real” and deal…
And maybe focus on something else….like indoor racing…..
i used to wonder why my dad stayed up till midnight every night…. now i know why. take it easy, it’ll be fine.
“Life is what happens while you’re making plans”
John Lennon
A childhood friend from Vermont who had a conflicted relationship with his 34 year old son, emailed me last night with the news that his son had died in Aspen of a virulent flu that came on so quickly he couldn’t get to the phone, and passed away from dehydration. David and Ben had mended their problems, but David always worried about him, as any good father does. Ben had already topped all 54 14′rs in CO, and David was with him at the top of Pikes Peak. Life takes funny turns and all we can do in the end is to make sure that we have done our best to care for our family, and deal with things on a day to day basis. Now go hug your kids.
You may see yourself as negative, but I would guess that your readers appreciate your hilarious outlook on life. Sort of a yin and yang chemistry that defines life. I’m proud to know you and tickled to read your daily reflections. As for the anxiety, welcome to the world of parenthood. Did I ever tell you the one about the babies caught on the railroad track by their shoe laces ? ? ? ??? “Toot!” “Toot!”
“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.” - H. L. Mencken
It’ll be alright…drink more.
You took way too long to make it to the beach.
I think our kid was three when we went to Gulf Shores. We hit some really exceptional turbulence on the flight to New Orleans. When everybody’s stomach was in their nasal cavity my kid let out a loud ‘Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’.
Ever since then I have been glad to have someone along that can see life as a really cool ride, especially when it doesn’t seem that way.
we had been to the beach before. Gulf Shores and Pensacola.
Smithers, this is why your blog is worth reading. Among all the political and cycling chatter, you share your humanity with us. What a touching post. Your concern reflects your care. You are a wealthy man.
@Persephone: Smithers, this is why your blog is worth reading.
So it’s not just the free popcorn then?
My wife tells me that she enjoys my cynicism
I never said that.
@“Mrs. Smithers”: I think that joke is past its expiration date.
I know. I forgot about the picture again too. Dagnabbit.