Smithers MINNEAPOLIS

Retard Sprinters

Hey, I did not come up with that reference.

Sprinters get to use cool training devices.

Given the choice, would you want to be a pure sprinter type?

I suppose if you were a track sprinter you would have lots of opportunity to bask in the glory of your coming speediness as you slowly circle the track during a match sprint contest.

But really, how many match sprints take place at the local level? The only chance at regular glory for track sprinters is a victory in the 10 lap “Who Gives a Crap?” race that kicks off the Thursday night series each week. And a keirin here and a there. Seems like slim pickins to me.

And what about road sprinters? I suppose it’s one thing to be a paid professional with a cadre of lead out riders who will escort you to within 200 meters of glory and all you have to do is light up the after burners, spray down the podium chicks with bubbly and pick up the check.

But road sprinting at the local amateur level? Who the hell wants to ride around a 60 minute criterium or a 75 mile road race just to wait for the final 200 meters? I would get so bored that I would probably crash myself just to liven things up.

I suppose if I was good at sprinting I would see the appeal. But I have found much more enjoyment in being an opportunist trying to get off the front of the race instead of waiting for the inevitable rush for the line.

I wonder what aspect of racing I will find myself good at this year? It’s really hard to tell so far since I just started training for the 2008 season last Saturday. Maybe I’ll find my special talent next week.

But it ain’t going to be sprinting.

I don’t have one of those hooptie devices.