Need some time off work?
Thursday, January 18th, 2007Come on over and I’ll sneeze in your eyes.
You can take all next week off.
No need to thank me for this great idea.
Archive for January 18th, 2007
Pereiro Positive
Thursday, January 18th, 2007According to the Le Monde report, however, the Caisse D’Epargne leader Pereiro tested positive for the banned asthma treatment salbutamol twice during the 2006 Tour, on the July 17th stage 14 between Montélimar and Gap and the July 19th stage 16 between Bourg-d’Oisans-La Toussuire.
Without citing the source, Le Monde claimed that the rider received an authorisation for therapeutic usage (AUT) from the International Cycling Union (UCI), but has yet to convince French authorities that he has a proper medical justification for using the banned substance.
What a farce.
How parents get sick, a primer
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
It’s very natural, when you have a little one around the house, to want to pick them up to comfort them when they are sad or to place them in a high chair or child seat. The commonly used method of carrying the child is to prop them up by the rump so their cute little face is at the same level as yours.
Humans are drawn to look each other in the eye and study facial expressions as a way to determine the mood and feeling of those that they are communicating with. Facial expression is a non-verbal way of stating a frame of mind. Little children know this instinctually and take advantage of this phenomenon whenever possible. The sole reason that little children seek to get their faces close to their parents is in order to infect them with what ever bacteria or virus du jour they happen to be carrying at that moment.
Typically the child will act like they have fallen down and hurt themselves, or pretend that they are hungry, or are otherwise just inconsolable in some way. The only apparent remedy for the child will be to pick them up and attempt to pacify them. Once the child is at face level they will continue the ruse and will cry and sob for a few more moments just to assure that the parent will not put them back down on the floor too quickly. Once the child is secure in the knowledge that they have the full attention of the parent, the child is then ready to strike.
The child may stop crying for a moment, make a cute face, or say something funny, all with the goal being to get the parent to open up their eyes wide in anticipation. The child may then start to begin to fuss again which will elicit a vocal response from the parent. The parent will also tip their head back a bit as they prepare to comfort the child. At this point the parent’s head is in the perfect position. At this point the child will turn, face the parent square on, and cough or sneeze directly into the parents face.
Thus the trap is sprung. The parent’s face, eyes wide, mouth open and nostrils exposed, is now perfectly positioned to accept the infection at the most receptive part of the body. The foolish parent, once again caught unaware by the clever and devious child, will attempt to wipe away the infectious material using hands that have already been in full contact with the child’s oral secretion, and probably some of the child’s much less glamorous emanations as well. This action, far from cleaning away the infectious material, all but guarantees that the infection will fully take hold.
The child will attempt to repeat this process for as often as they are held but, once the parent no longer shows signs of being willing to continue to be coughed or sneezed upon, the child will soon demand to be put back down on the floor.
A typical child will repeat this process a few hundred times during the day, taking full advantage of a beleaguered and overwhelmed parent. The very second that a parent shows any sign of distraction, the child will begin the process over again.
Infection takes root within the hour, signs of sickness show up with the next 24 hours.
The process continues until the child is too heavy to be picked up. At this point the child will attempt other tactics such as “accidentally” using the parents drinking glass, toothbrush or pillow. By the age of 13 the child will no longer be carrying these noxious bacteria and virus and are perfectly safe to be around. Unfortunately, it is usually by this age that the child will no longer have anything to do with the parent.
(yes, I am sick right now…)
