Make It Stop
Friday, December 15th, 2006Baby Smithers turned one years old a few weeks ago. He’s generally been a pretty great kid so far. Happy, fun, good sleeper, good eater, no real problems.
Something happened to him this week however. It’s like someone flipped a switch in his brain and he’s been Hissy Crabberstein all week. Maybe he’s fighting off an infection that is making him especially sensitive. I hope so, because if not, it’s going to be a challenging time ahead.
Time to study up and be a better parent!
If there is one thing that I have learned it’s this: It’s not productive for both child and parent to be in full emotional collapse, with sobs and tears, irrational and inconsolable at the same time. Mrs. Smithers is not always around to tell me that everything is going to be OK, so sometimes I just need to suck it up and be the adult. I have tried to out tantrum him, but apparently Baby Smithers is not going to be the first one to take the high road of emotional maturity. Fine. I’ll pay him back for this later in life. Maybe on his first date.
Defective world, no kidding. Why oh why don’t they put a warning label on those bottles of mashed prunes? Do you have any idea what two days of prunes can do to a little guy’s diapers? I didn’t, but I sure as hell do now! And those little snaps that are on everything! Shirts, pants, jackets…everywhere, little snaps! I can’t connect these little snaps when the object wearing all these little snaps is fighting as hard as he can to keep me from connecting the little snaps! Who the hell came up with these little snaps for little kids!? Is this someone’s idea of a sick joke on parents? Cutting fingers nails? Geezsus Keerist there has to be an easier way! Defective world!
It sounds so simple, so clinical. Set limits and eliminate conflict. Establish clear and firm, yet respectful, boundaries. No problem! Especially on a short night sleep after your little one just pushed over the X-Mas tree and eaten out of the dog dish.
If you have ever seen your kid experiment by putting his finger down his throat to see what happens, you know what this book is really about. My sister knows all about this “Inside Out” business. I had to stop giving Baby Smithers whole green beans after multiple “from the inside out’ experiences.
Uhh, have these guys ever even had a kid? Love and logic? WTF? Talk about two totally incompatible ideas. It’s not logical to love someone who takes a dump in his trousers mere seconds after putting him into fresh new clothes. But I love him anyway. So what gives Foster!? Where’s the freakin’ logic in that?
Playful Parenting? Please. This morning Baby Smithers was following me around the house, as I got all his stuff together to go and visit grandma, screaming in rage and frustration about who knows what. So I sat down on the floor to play with him and cheer him up but apparently all he wanted to do was kick me in the crotch. One year old and he already knows how to hurt his dear old dad. Tip for new parents: You’ll know when your kid wants to play, and it ain’t when he’s already torqued off at you. If you insist on playing with your child when he is expressing his demons make sure you put on the hockey pads first.
Oh well. You know, I would not trade this little monkey for anything on earth. He can frustrate the hell out of me one minute and crack me up seconds later. I love this little guy more than life itself, which is good, because he may yet be the death of me.
