“Where hacks come to spew nonsense” – B2B
It is time. I’m officially signing off. Smithers is coming back today, woohoo! Baby is alive, dog is alive, the blog appears to be alive, and I washed the cycling clothes. Unfortunately, I wasn’t super careful and one of the socks went through the dryer. As I like to say, “you get what you pay for.”
So long. It’s been nice. I took my pull. Who’s next?
I don’t think I’ll get that Pinarello track bike afterall. I am looking at Teschner now.
This has been the busiest show for me in the last 7 years. The booth is full of people all the time and I have had meetings scheduled on the hour for three days straight.
Sorry I have not been able to post more but I understand that Mrs. Smithers has been entertaining you all. I hope you all don’t bail out on me next week.
(sent wireless via Treo 650)
I’ve had it. You have sucked the life force out of me. The constant demand to be entertained and to have your comments validated has worn me down. I feel myself traveling down this dark narrow corridor of no return. I must stop the madness. I will take the 12 steps:
1. Do not think of pithy things to say
2. Do not wake up in the middle of the night because you thought of a new pithy thing to post
3. Do not continue to keep yourself awake at night as you work the pithy post out in your head
4. Do not obsessively proof-read the pithy things you write
5. Do not use the crappy Blogger software to post the pithy things
6. Do not obsessively check to see if anyone is actually reading the pithy things
7. Repeat step 6
8. Do not obsessively check the comments section to see if anyone has written anything pithy
9. Repeat step 8
10. Do not feel obligated to add your own pithy comments to the comments section
11. Do not feel obligated to see if anyone has commented on your pithy comments in the comments section
12. Repeat all of the above
I realize that Smithers is too far gone at this point. Me? I have a life.
TGIF
I am giving you a one time opportunity to ask me those pressing questions that have left you feeling incomplete. Today and only today, I will be more inclined to answer you. I will leave the content up to you. Here’s how it works:
You ask: “Does Mr. Smithers wear boxers or briefs?”
Mrs. Smithers answer: He wears boxers.
Disclaimer: Mrs. Smithers reserves the right to answer as she fits. Truthful content is not a guarantee. The answers expressed by Mrs. Smithers are based on her own opinion or observations and may not represent the opinions or observations of the blog owner.
I just got back from taking the dog on his morning constitutional. As I passed one of the tidy houses with the neatly manicured lawns on our street, I noticed something out of place. An “It’s a boy!” balloon tied to the house. I had never noticed toys or kids around this house. Everything is always in its place. It must be their first.
Do I think, “How nice!” or “That’s great for them!”? No, I think, “Your lawn is going to hell too!”
If you hadn’t noticed, Smithers has a weakness for mobile phones. He can’t stay away from them…so shiny and pretty. I know that latest love fest over the Treo 650 was a sham. He’s looking. I can feel it.
I, on the other hand, just want a phone that works. I once had a phone that worked until one day I picked it up and the screen said “Emergency Calls Only.” I fiddled with the phone, I dialed the one number available, “Hello this is 911?” Apparently the phone works, but where is my address book? Why can’t I call anyone else? It must be a network problem.
I call the Service Provider. They say, “not a network problem, call the Manufacturer.” I call the Manufacturer. They say, “Oh yeah, there’s a software glitch with your phone. Your phone is physically fine, but it’s not going to work. There’s no fix and we’re not interested in trying to fix it. Take it up with Service Provider.”
I take it up with Service Provider. They say, “Phone is 6 months out of warranty, you are SOL.” I say, “Manufacturer admits that there is a defect. It’s not like I ran my car over it. How can you do nothing?” Service Provider says, “Out of warranty.”
I know this game. I worked customer service at a Big Box Store, where there was a “Lifetime Warranty,” or “100% Satisfaction Guarantee.” I listened as people would bring in their 10 year old hiking boots and say, “I want a new pair, I’m not satisfied.” “What’s the problem?” “Can’t you see, they’re all worn out?” “Yeah, that’s because you wore them every day for the last 10 years.” For these people, buying something once, meant that they were entitled to exchange it for the rest of their lifetime, not necessarily the product’s lifetime. This is not me. Yes, I’m slightly out of the warranty, but it’s a manufacturer’s defect. I should get some satisfaction. It required drastic measures.
For the first time in my life I said, “May I speak to your manager?” Service Provider transfers me and I explain the situation again for the umpteenth time. Manager says, “You should have returned it within the warranty period like everyone else does, now, you are SOL.” I say to Manager, “If I understand you correctly, all I needed to do was come up with some lame ass excuse to return the phone during the warranty period and you would have exchanged it? And now that I have a valid problem, you won’t?” Manager says, “Yup.”
It was my breaking point. With emotion in my voice, I said, “I don’t think I want to do business with your company anymore.” Manager simply says, “I’ll transfer you.” Then I hear calm soothing music. A pleasant woman’s voice answers, “Customer Retention Department?” Nothing further is said of my problem, the woman just starts to rattle off all the free phones that are available to me. I pick the most expensive one and within a flash it’s over. If only I had known sooner.
Smithers often likes to ask the most mind bending (numbing) questions and they always seem to be directed at me. He of course will counter that they were essentially rhetorical, just throwing them out there for the sake of it. I of course know better, he is expecting an answer, an answer from me, and it’s really irritating!!! One of his favorite topics is Physics. I’m not sure why, maybe it has to do with his constant battle with gravity. Anyhow, in honor of Smithers, I’m going to give you a Physics question. The first person to answer it correctly will get a prize (to be provided by Smithers of course).
Physics Question 256c:
Smithers wants to go for a ride. Viewing a cloud above him, he fears it might rain. With all his “hooptie” electronic gear he has managed to triangulate the offensive cloud and determines that the cloud is 1700m above the Earth’s surface. Smithers wants to know, as the rain drops fall from the cloud to Earth and if they are not slowed by air resistance, how fast would they moving when they strike Smithers (Smithers = ground)? Would you determine that it was safe for Smithers to ride?
Note: I will accept answers in ft/s, but this family supports the Metric system.
